The Devil Inside Me- A Poem Ive written about my experience of Endometriosis

Deep in the darkness of the Night

You take over my life and hold me tight

The clock ticks like the beating of a drum

Id give anything to be laying comfortably numb

The birds tweet and sing there beautiful song

Im still lying awake trying to be strong

 

Upwards and onwards I face the day like a clown

In reality I just want to break down

I hide behind humour a smile and a mask

Hiding this from everyone is no easy task

Everyday life can be so very hard

For deep inside Im physically scarred

 

The carefree happy days set me flying free

The frustration mounts when im knocked back to reality

No reason no rhyme

What will be will be

Im just a slave to the devil inside me

 

I look just like you through everyones eyes

For this devil inside me wears a cunning disguise

I could be the one walking past you in the street

Dogtired and weary but proud of this feat

Painkillers and sleep are my Best Friend

Silently wishing my body would mend

 

Days spent fruitlessly watching the world go by

Curled up helplessly wanting to cry

Resting at Home is my only safe place

My old life is vanishing without a trace

Reminders of easier times taunt my soul

Fighting fatigue and pain is now my daily goal

 

The carefree happy days set me flying free

The frustration mounts when im knocked back to reality

No reason no rhyme

What will be will be

Im just a slave to the devil inside me

 

My wonderful Family shine light when its dark

It makes it easier to cope with an ill thought remark

People dont understand the daily pain I face

I wonder how many would cope with it if in my place

I am strong and will hold my head up high

Society I face with a huge angry sigh

 

What people cant see they dont understand

Please educate yourself everyone is my only demand

I have an illness which sadly has no cure

So till one is found the pain I will endure

I will fight on with my Sisters by my side

This isnt our fault so why should we hide

 

The carefree happy days set me flying free

The frustration mounts when im knocked back to reality

No reason no rhyme

What will be will be

Im just a slave to the devil inside me

 

This Poem I dedicate to the people I love

Whose support and caring goes beyond and above

My dear Endosisters are always in my heart

Even miles of distance cant keep us apart

With you in my life I feel incredibly rich

Thank you for being there when Im a miserable bitch

 

COPYRIGHT © Crystal 2011

Humour in Hidden Places!

Tommorow I am off for a follow up Ultrasound of  “Cyril The Filled Cyst”

Will he be there,grown bigger,have company or have moved out?

Who knows..I have had lots of pain but thats just the norm!

Anyway..lets “cut” to the chase!

I was discussing the other Day with some of my EndoSisters how I would have to do some “Topiary” in the Garden so to speak…involving Strimmers,Hedgecutters and so on!

We had a good laugh about it and it was suggested I cut my “Topiary” back to the barebones so the Scanner would think I was a bit of a Go-oer!

I decided to tackle my “Garden” this Evening in the Bath to get ontop of situation haha!

Its normal for my Teenage Daughter to talk to me in the Bath (I will add its far from a pretty site so will apologise if your eating right now)

We always talk about everything…I beleive that kind of relationship with her is very important and for her to know nothing is a taboo if she has any worries

I asked her to pass me some small Scissors while I was in the Bath,she couldnt find them but gave me a huge pair which were very sharp and threatening

I needed the Scissors for “Removal Purposes”

I said “I cant use those I dont want to end up in Hospital with them sewing my Labia back on”

She said “Youve said that wrong Mum its Lobelia!”

Well I was crying laughing and explained the mistake!

We  had a good laugh about it after and told her she will make a fine Gyneacologist!

 

I know its often called a “Lady Garden” but…..!!

Below is “Lobelia” it is indeed a Summer Bedding Plant!

Im actually worried now I will find Labia growing in my Garden haha

 

Many thanks for Reading and I bet ill be thinking of this Tommorow haha!

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Random Rantings

I manage to Work a few Hours a Week ….Very Flexible but even on 2-3 Hours Sleep and even when theres been a threat of an Ambulance in the Night ive gone…Cos im stubborn and I like to be defiant! Im also Allergic to Hospitals so would rather Work!

My Work is hardly Brain Surgery but gives me “Pride”

Im proud I keep a tidy Home and Im a OCD Carpet Fluff Picker… love to Cook..love to laugh and love good people!

Most of all I love my Daughter and Hubby more than Words can say..ever…we have been thru some mega tough times but we are still here after everything!

I think they understand me more than many people can!

Getting to Empathy….

Some People dont understand Chronic Ilnesses unless they live with someone who has one or a close Family Member

This makes me sad…people are so quick to judge and perhaps give well meaning Advice…but dont educate themselves before they give it!

I will just say for my particular “Illness” if anyone mentions a Hysterectomy as a Cure again …well I best not say as will involve lots of swear words…EDUCATE YOURSELF INSTEAD!

A Hysterectomy isnt a Cure…There is no no Cure…just Treatments and Pain Relief!

Im Ill not an Idiot…Ive tried many things which have havent worked…but made me worse and so many other Ladies have too!

We are still trying in desperation to find that something!

Something may have Worked for someone you know but we are all different and react to different Treatments with different Results!…We certainly wouldnt chose to be Ill or in Pain.We would like to be living normal lives instead like everyone else.

If theres a “Cure” you will know as Ill be on Newsflash on SKY and various other Channels Dancing Nude with no cares in the World with a Carrot up my Arse and a Turnip up my Muff!   Thats a promise!!

I for one dont want people helping me to the Toilet or help with a Bath cos I cant Walk when the Pain hits really badly that I cant Walk!

Id rather have a Poo in peace and Top and Tail my Undercarriage unaided thanks haha!

Appearances are Deiceiving….

I may look ok…but im not!

If you are a Friend and reading this please understand

I have often Smeared on a Fake Smile and Cheerfulness to “fool” people in the past….but no more..Ill be a mardy bugger instead haha..Joking!!!

I am far from a miserable bugger tho…If anything I enjoy the little pleasures in life more and laughter…yes lots of laughter…it gets me thru!

I suppose the basis of this Post is never Judge a Book by its Cover….Look deep inside instead…But not so deep you will need Pulling out with a Tow Rope..in my case a Huge Rope!

Even though at this time of Posting Im very cheerful I will Post a Song that just about Sums up my miserable,cant take the pain anymore,shove my head in the Oven and then in the Food Processor moments…

Many Thanks for Reading again

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A Big Hello and Welcome

If you are here Id like to say Thank You for Reading firstly!

I would like to Thank my EndoSisters from the bottom of my Heart.

Without them this Blog would not exist and I would not be as emotionally strong as I am right now!

We may all come from different walks of Life…Different Towns,Cities and even Continents but together we are Strong!

I will honestly say I have a very Special Person to Thank for all this …She brought me into Contact with others with Endometriosis and very aptly helped me with my Blog Name

Till my next Post…. take care for now

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